so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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