WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
