1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
