Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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