My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
