Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think i got beer on your cat.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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