He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
