he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
