I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
