it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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