Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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