So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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