piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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