My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
