yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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