I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
