Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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