Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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