the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
