He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
