I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
