sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
