Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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