dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
