when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
