checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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