i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
