i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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