i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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