I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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