Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
