I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
