so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
