My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
