Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
