Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
