I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
