Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
