The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Non-Jews are for practice
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
