I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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