I got chris browned last night
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
