i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
