Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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