woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
