...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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