I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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