I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I won the penis lottery.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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