there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
