can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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