I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
