it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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