Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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