you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
where does the pee come out of this thing
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
