that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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