A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
