Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
