Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
