evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
