gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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