Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
