your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
