I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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