honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's blow job season.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
