come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
