She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
