I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
